I was really looking forward to my 100th post cos I had been on 99 for a while. I was gonna make my 100th a good one.
Then out of the blue, you decide to bump up my post count by 1 without me even posting anything? AND it hasn't gone away, either. So there goes my milestone. Whatever. I'm over it.
:'(
Okay so I've been thinking about this for quite a while lately. Not that I'm a generally depressing person, but I've had random bouts of, "I seriously want to kill myself" over the course of the past year or so that I quickly get over, then get back under in a few weeks. Of course, I'm like, "I don't have the courage to do that," and alas, I'm still here.
So as I've been walking the streets on my lonesome with my iPod blaring whatever 90s pop songs I resurrect, I think to myself, "What can I do to speed up this death process?"
Oh, I know! I'll put my iPod up even louder and hope that I get hit by a car! Or maybe I could just not put knives back where they belong, or stand to close to the edge of a mighty big fall, or piss off someone with a gun. Then surely it wouldn't be my fault and be written off as suicide, more like a construed 'wrong-place-wrong-time' kind of situation?
But who am I to control destiny? Is destiny even real? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps philosophy time.
I don't necessarily want to kill myself, I mean I do think about it sometimes, cos on the whole, my lfie is pretty unimpressive and crapola. I don't want to be that kid that was labelled as a selfish attention seeker cos he talked about killing himself, then killed himself. I can't have people saying bad things about me when I'm dead.
So I'll change the course of my DD (death destiny, of course!), set up a system of ropes and pulleys and orchestrate my own demise to shift the blame on to someone or something else. That should clear my corpse's conscience.
What am I saying? I am never going to do that.
1 comment:
A few have suicidal thoughts. It is not usually attention seeking, as it goes unnoticed by others most of the time.
Suicide, I view it is a way of escaping and trying to cope and dealing with problems by not being there. Thus not existing removes unpleasant feelings and having to cope. Just fantasying about it excessively is a sufficient way of reducing the tension, but it's not exactly healthy.
It really puzzles me though scientifically of why people have those thoughts, as most living things (especially humans) struggle so much to survive. I don't see how it is useful for the human species at all.
I suggest you see someone though if you constantly thinking about it. I'm happy to go along with you if you wish. A lot of services are actually free now.
From reading that it may sound like you have depression (eg. constant feelings of sadness, loss of interest in things, ect.) which usually accompanies suicidal thoughts. Also you mentioned that your life in whole is crap, which is another characteristic.
Please don't kill yourself before you seek help, some problems may be able to be resolved.
People will miss you :)
I will
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