Dare I say that the last 8 months of my life have been the most hectic of them all. It's been about that long since I posted an entry, so I'll quickly fill you in.
They FINALLY opened the Dick Smith in Frankston in late April. Since then we've changed management about four times. That's roughly the same amount of times something has happened to piss me off and I've wanted to quit. But since I'm getting good hours, the people there are nice and it's not a difficult job... I'll stick with it until school becomes too hard to balance. Shouldn't be too long now. Thankyou, year 12. ><
Speaking of school, year 11 has possibly been one of the best years, despite the work overload. It was balanced by the joy of going in to H Block every day. H Block has got to be my favourite place to go - I just love everyone there and the memories we make there will last a life time. I'm excited to see this new building they're replacing it with (since H is fair old), although knowing Bayside, it won't be built until after we've graduated.
Not just my surroundings have changed over the last 8 months, but I certainly have changed a heck of a lot too. I think 2009 was my rebellious year where I really changed into letting myself take more risks and trying new things. Some of which I'm not proud of, but I still don't regret. Mistakes are needed to mould you into who you become - as HIMYM states it, there are some mistakes you just have to make.
Another thing that changed me in 2009 is the realization of my sexuality, something I had been denying for two years. In the back of my head I always knew I was gay, but I pushed it away until I couldn't fight it anymore. About half-way through the year I said "ah screw it" and faced facts. By that point everyone pretty much knew anyway. By the way, this doesn't impede my faith at all. I still believe in God and to all those people that think that God disowns homosexuals... sorry, but I have to disagree. Pretty sure God loves everyone.
Just after my birthday I got into a relationship with an amazing guy. It was the best relationship I've ever been in. For anyone who knows me, you'd know that I don't fall for people easily, I never have. But this time something just clicked. Anyway, three months in, I get slapped with the "I'm not ready for this" speech and it's over. Words can't express the rejection I felt. Call it pessimistic or whatever, but it'll take me forever and a half to find anyone I am actually interested in again, if ever. I'm not conventional with my relationships (nor am I really conventional with anything) so finding someone that feels the same is very, very hard for me.
After three weeks, I'm about 90% over it, but there's still that part of me that is incredibly depressed and wants to die. But I'm an optimistic specimen - I know things will turn around for me. It's the 'when' that I'm unclear about.
And for the record, no, I don't think I'm a hopeless teenager with rampant hormones that solely control my brain. Emm jun hinm.
Getting to 2010 now, January has been pretty poor so far. NYE was okay, spending it with good mates at Emily's house, but there were certain things that made the night unenjoyable. In January I also got dumped and I've been spending most of the month anxious about school going back. Don't get me wrong, school is generally a fun place to be, it's mostly the subject chocie thing I'm worried about. It wasn't until yesterday (three days before school goes back) that I finally decided on my final subject. I'm not happy about it, but it'll have to do. The line-up is as follows: Literature, Media, Philosophy and Further Maths. Instead of Maths I was originally doing Psychology but I hated it during "roll-over" last year (the most wasteful two weeks of the year in which they attempt to kick-start students with no textbooks or preparation for year 12 by giving them 10 days of year 12 classes, feeding them information they will lose and/or forget by the time holidays are over) so I dropped it. Geez, I've changed subjects a lot over the past year, haven't I?
Anyway that's my life up until now. Now let's chat instead, talking to myself makes me feel ludacrous. :D Is that how you spell that?
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