If I were talented, I'd write songs

Too bad I have next to no talent in the writing realm. Ever since I've been doing poetry in Literature, lyric-writing has crossed my mind, but to save myself the embarrassment, I shan't try.

Speaking of school stuff, I really should be doing a bunch of it right now, but - who cares? I know I won't be saying that come November when exams come around, and I'm very foolish for choosing to disregard it now. I've done nothing tonight but watch Family Guy, Pushing Daisies, 30 Rock, get fish and chips and Facebook. I did a half a page of my Media folio, too. Wow, when you stack the evening's events up together, you can tell my night really was wasted.

Now then, "Why does John need to write songs?" I hear you ask. Well, John is a self-involved little boy whose seldom-updated and backlotted online blog isn't enough self-indulgence and feels that music would help him convey his emotions to a minority of people who care and a majority who don't. I think that as I've matured I can analyze my feelings a little better and figure out what's happening around me more straightforward (there's those Lit classes working for me once more).
I think 'maturing' was a poor word to use there, since I'm just about to delve into the fact that I think I've changed and become less mature lately. I've become more crass, less sensitive, and all-round, more unpleasant. At least, that's how I'd view myself from a third-person standpoint. But why? Why have I changed my external personality so quickly? One word: fear. Much to my chagrin, I'll pull some valid comments from a philosophical text by... oh dear... I can't actually remember who. Anyway, they say that human beings act the way they do, relate with each other and create moral principles out of pure fear of one another. That's probably the reason I've changed myself, and once again, I don't know why I use words that aren't neccessary, like 'probably'. It's definitely the reason. At least, I guess, I'm not far off enough to not notice it (unlike some people I know). This probably (hell, this one's pretty close to 'definitely') sounds very pretentious of me to even bring up and sounds like I'm trying to better myself with intellectual benefit. Whatever, let's cast that aside. I've changed my personality because I'm afraid of the social aspect of teenage life. I'd bet everything I own that that's the same reason anybody else conforms to the values and principles that they were, at some point, against. My extra excuses and reasoning won't cut it, and, as much as I'd hate to face it, aren't fooling myself. For other teenagers in the same dilemma, I pray that they can take the blindfold off and see what they're really changing for.

Don't end a sentence on a preposition, John!

Oh well, horribly confusing rambling aside, let's get down to the good (and bad) stuff: LOST FINISHES NEXT WEEK. Yes, six years of my life that I've devoted to that show is finally coming to fruition. Only two more episodes (the first of which airs tomorrow) and then it's over. Forever. I'm going to be so sad, I think I'll have to take a day off school (thank GOD with the time difference from America it'll be a Tuesday. Oh, how I hate Tuesdays).

Au revior - until you read my blog again?

Past, Present and Future Plans

Here's a quick update on my nothingness

Yesterday was an exciting day I suppose. I burned a CD for Mason and walked to Leawarra station to collect Zoe. We walked back to my place, wrote a letter for her and AB, and tried putting it in her car, but eventually ended up in AB's letterbox. I wonder if he's checked it...

kinda pointless as we saw them about 20 minutes later while we were waiting for the bus.

Also, I've been trying to get my hands on Lost Season 2, but it's so hard! You can only ever find 1 + 3! But not 2! It's awful. Also I'm going to try and convince my mudja to change our crappy Bigpond internet plan, cos I found out last night we're on 256k... eugh.

I decided about a week ago what my plans are for my 16th birthday, although it's not till October. :D
I'm gonna go get my L's in the morning. I've been doing the practise test online occasionally and it's pretty easy; most of it is common sense anyway (if you're feeling tired, the incorrect answer would be to wind your windows down and crank the radio up). Then that afternoon, I'll go use my newfound ID to donate blood! I was on the donateblood.com.au website last night and apparently you have to BOOK a donation?! Feh! I just wanted to rock up!

Lufwaffle.

Friday the 13th

Stupid Sarah Lay. Totally stole my idea for a blog title.
I kept reminding everyone it was friday the 13th today. Haha, take that random year 9 & 10 girls who had cervical cancer injections! :) Bad luck, much?

Anyway, despite the terrible coldness (quite possibly the coldest school morning in all the realm) I had a terrific day. Got the results of my first VCE exam I ever did, Health and Human Development - 100%. YEAH BABY. I'm so proud. Totally not gloating or anything...

Only Zach and I got 100% out of everybody, and he technically got 84.5 out of 85 (actually, I was recounting mine like everyone else did, it was actually out of 87, and he got 86.5) but as a percentage it's st00pad to write 99.5% so, hey, why not do what we all love to do, and round up?

I had planned on writing a whole blog on the following, but I'm not sure if I could be bothered. The Lost season four finale last week. Anybody that watches the show - best episode ever, right?! I'd totally spoil it, but... actually, I may. Highlight the following to see what happened... The island was finally moved under Jacob's instructions, but Ben did it to sacrifice himself, because the person who moves it can never go back. Cept, he moved the island and it completely disappeared, leaving nothing but a tabula rasa of ocean. The freighter exploded, killing Michael and possibly Jin. We finally got to see the Oceanic Six escape. What the hell happened to Claire? She's not gonna be in the show next season. :( Locke became the leader of the Others. In the flashforwards, a man named Jeremy Bentham kept visiting the Oceanic Six and telling them to go back to the island (although they all knew that wasn't his name). Turns out Jeremy Bentham is Locke's alias - and he was the guy in the coffin in Jack's depressed flashforward. I LOVE THAT SHOW SO MUCH. If it were alive, I'd buy it things.

I'm such a slacker. I still haven't written about SYG. One day I'm gonna forget everything about it before I documented it. I'll have to brainstorm with people tonight... and after the SYG awards, the Soggies, are presented tonight. Eh... I'll write it tomorrow.

70th Blog - An Epiphony

The following blog is all an excerpt from my mind. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Make it mean something to you. Read it slowly and please, please, take everything in to account.

Do not disregard that starter, really think about it all.

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After watching last night's Lost episode, in which Charlie took stock of his life, knowing he was going to die, I've been thinking.

Due to a bizarre turn of events, I am sick in almost every way, and have been for a lot of the week. I just took a long shower, as my showers are always long, and had a really, really deep conversation with myself. I thought, "I've been needing to go to the doctor's. What if I have breast cancer?" Yes, there is something in my breast that is getting me paranoid.

So I had a very long daydream. It was so deep, it was incredibly vivid. My mother and I get told I have cancer and most likely to die soon. How would you respond if you were told you had cancer? So I'm in a hospital bed, and will be for the remainder of my days. The only thing left to keep me company when my family or friends aren't around is a laptop, in which I am writing personal goodbyes and sentimental messages to those I love.

A lot of my messages are of how much those close to me really mean to me. Maddy, Jake, Alana, Sara, David, James, Matt, Katherine, Shezz, Zoe, everyone. They all mean so much to me, yet will only get me to express the words when I am close to death and have nothing more important to think about. Everything imporant in life is taken stock of. I of course have messages to drama, youth group, school, and individually, my family. It's these people I care about most of all. Of course I then pictured my funeral, and how I would be remembered. This daydream was almost a near-death experience, it was that surreal.

I realized, "why think all the bad things when life is so good?" An epiphony struck me, emerging from this daydream. You know those Christian preachers that say that they are officially in the house of the Lord, or go completely off the bat with some major metaphor like that, and it just sounds so stupid that it doesn't sound real? I used to think those people were just being optimistically over-enthusiastic. Not anymore. I now know what it's like to rely on God 100%, and have something so important in your life. I live up to God.

The hardest thing for me to lose in my life would be my faith. I'm not just talking about my faith in Christ, but my faith in freedom. My faith in humanity. Inspiration, willpower, and strength. Each one especially and respectively. Everything that requires faithfullness to be dependant on, I need it my life most of all.

Being a Christian isn't just "Hey, I like to read the Bible. I know this verse off by heart, I art officially a worshipper." That's not what being a Christian is about in the least. Well, not the least, but you see where I'm going with this. Christian characteristics isn't a hobby (reading the Bible, etc.), it's a lifestyle. How you act towards other people, how you think and why you do what you do.

You're having a wild hedonistic time, you let something slip about someone to their face. It's not needed, not even negative thoughts. Unfortunately, thoughts can sometimes be hard to control. Just so long as your thoughts don't affect what you do or how you act, you shouldn't be seen any differently by others. That's what willpower is for. The ability to see yourself through other's eyes is a skill that's needed.

This not making sense? Read that last paragraph very, very slowly.

I now understand why the Bible says to forgive those that do harm to you. Who knows what they are going through, or why they do what they did to you. Attention? Revenge? People don't do bad things for no reason, they just don't. Even subconsciously, they are thinking of some form of motive. If someone is mean to you, forgive them and let it slip.

Life is too short for the negative. You could wake up tomorrow with a tumour in your brain and you'll be dead in a fortnight. Whatever you're doing now on MySpace - is that what you want to be doing, nay, remembered as doing or being after you pass on?

You see typical MySpace girls with their About Me sections kept brief and consise, straight to the point, and with so much pretty much useless information that it's near pointless to read? You realize that an About Me is how you are portrayed - it's a summary of you. Words say a lot. I love people like that anyway, even if how they like to be seen is.. diferent. Heckle, if it weren't for the seventy blogs I've posted here, I'd have deleted my MySpace yonks ago.

Those people that tell themselves they don't hate or remotely dislike someone/anyone are absolutely ludacrious. You can't not be annoyed by someone, or dislike them, it's a compulsory fact of life. Anyone trying to tell themselves otherwise are probably hiding from something - but what? I know this sounds cynical in comparison to everything else I've mentioned, but it needed to be said. Talk to this person. "AH! Denial is all we have!"

To wrap up, I am going to live life more to the fullest. I will try my best to stop being mean, even the little things. I will look at any enemies in a different, more positive light. I will take a negative and turn it in to a positive, and I urge you to do the same.


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If one day I forget any of this, please remind me that I wrote a blog about this.
If this somehow reached to you, read it again. It will make an ever bigger impact.

This thought had certainly made an impact on my life.
Anyone wanting to tear me down for expressing like this - be my guest, because it just doesn't matter. I forgive you already. :)