I was really looking forward to my 100th post cos I had been on 99 for a while. I was gonna make my 100th a good one.
Then out of the blue, you decide to bump up my post count by 1 without me even posting anything? AND it hasn't gone away, either. So there goes my milestone. Whatever. I'm over it.
:'(
Okay so I've been thinking about this for quite a while lately. Not that I'm a generally depressing person, but I've had random bouts of, "I seriously want to kill myself" over the course of the past year or so that I quickly get over, then get back under in a few weeks. Of course, I'm like, "I don't have the courage to do that," and alas, I'm still here.
So as I've been walking the streets on my lonesome with my iPod blaring whatever 90s pop songs I resurrect, I think to myself, "What can I do to speed up this death process?"
Oh, I know! I'll put my iPod up even louder and hope that I get hit by a car! Or maybe I could just not put knives back where they belong, or stand to close to the edge of a mighty big fall, or piss off someone with a gun. Then surely it wouldn't be my fault and be written off as suicide, more like a construed 'wrong-place-wrong-time' kind of situation?
But who am I to control destiny? Is destiny even real? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps philosophy time.
I don't necessarily want to kill myself, I mean I do think about it sometimes, cos on the whole, my lfie is pretty unimpressive and crapola. I don't want to be that kid that was labelled as a selfish attention seeker cos he talked about killing himself, then killed himself. I can't have people saying bad things about me when I'm dead.
So I'll change the course of my DD (death destiny, of course!), set up a system of ropes and pulleys and orchestrate my own demise to shift the blame on to someone or something else. That should clear my corpse's conscience.
What am I saying? I am never going to do that.
